it was totally not up to mark,
or should i say,
worse than mid years.
improvements were for the less important subjects.
where's the passion; drive and interest?
why does it seem to have gone just like that?
urgh.
Assurance from friends seem so heart-rendering.
but deep inside,
only you know best.
you know how much you've put in.
10%; Bell Curve; impossible to retain so many; sub papers.
SO surreal.
I feel this pain all over again,
the last time,
in sec3,
experiencing what seemed to be empty promises.
chronologically backwards,
the last last time,
in sec1.
oh all those tears and partings.
yuck.

clara talked about finding joy
"I found the joy of my life. Have you?"
i was quick to think "of course not, my life's all failing"
then,
i looked at the earlier part of that same post,
"That the way to joy is to see things with a simple heart,
a simple attitude,
with simple eyes.
so everytime I get overwhelmed by reality,
I just need to run back to His house,
where there is just me and God.
it was just a wonderful time today.
I feel really really happy.
And I really enjoyed God's presence today.
I really enjoy spending time with Him like this,
finding moments where it's just me and Him."
and it made me smile,
for a while(:
cos the urge to run back to God all over again,
is so great.

it's been eons since i last blogged, according to christianna.
hahahha.
i've grown so so so much in this period!
hahahhaha.
okok, i'm laughing, cos the mood's light, and i'm just loving it.

friends are something true, and i hold dear.
i agree with matthias for a moment,
that friends will always outweigh relationships.
i really don't know what i would do without the bunch of them!
especially christianna and elizabeth.
two people,
this sudden closeness i feel with them,
though not literally.
makes me feel happy, and blessed.
they're.. never not there?
yea, though occasionally i just cant stand some negative attitudes,
i know all of this comes in a package.

a BIG saga that just passed,
PROMOS.
urghrghrghrgr.
sad sad.
really.
thought i'll do better than midyears since i really studied harder than midyrs.
i don't know.
i've tried my best.
it might just be not enough.

i've heard sooooooooooooooo many friends,
some say they're promoting (thank goodness)
some say they're retaining (nth much for me to say since i might share the same fate as them)

i've thought it through.
retain or promote,
i'm gonna leave it in the hands of the UPPER ONE.
bottom line,
not to give up.
never give up.
never quit.
try and try and try.
you'll succeed soon.

it's true,
just like i thought about it all this while.
wearing the blue uniform came with a hefty price to pay.