why do you shun my eyes
why do you look away from my glance
why do you not even care about my mere existence
anymore?
it hurts me when i see you like this.
i am sorry that things had to turn out this way.
it just happened so fast,
it seemed like just yesterday when we
sat at the stone table to talk things out.
that time, you could look pass everything
and pretend like nothing happened.
but i could not.
but why is it that things have to reach such a stage,
that you refuse to even acknowledge my presence now?
i know that no matter how much i apologise,
the hurt will still be there and it'll be difficult
for you to look pass it.
does that mean we cant even be friends?
i miss you,
the good times and bad
that we both shared.
without any holding back.
we freely spilt our thoughts.
i want those days back.
it pierces my heart to know that the one i was once closest to,
meeting almost everyday,
and even chatting with till the wee hours of the night,
cannot even be bothered at all now.
if it does even matter to you,
i want you to know that i still think
about the good old times.
movies
tauhuay
dark chocolate
punggol park
and who could forget,
adoration room?
the question you asked me,
recurs in my head countless times whenever i think of you:
would it have been different if you'd agreed to come to the club.
the answer is yes.
as much as i know it's brought you anger and bitterness,
i want you to know that i feel unbearable pain when
i think of all the possible
"what ifs"
should you have come
and made that difference.
i still cannot forgive myself that i had to do this to you when it was nearing your exams.
it is not fair to you,
because you deserve so much more,
and so much better,
especially since you'd been hurt before.
i must admit that i have done you wrong.
but to deny me as even a friend,
is really heartless.
as much as i hate being treated this way,
i so know that i deserve this.
other than sorry,
what can i do so that you would face me and
look me in the eye?
you are important,
you matter to me.
i will hate myself if i had to lose you forever
because you had given me so much,
more than i asked for,
i want to reciprocate.
would you give me a chance to,
dear friend?

go on.
carry on with what you're doing.
like i'm non-existent.
i dont give a F.

the heart says yes but the mind says no.
):

this has been one hectic week
and i am thankful its almost over.
tutorial on wednesday, done.
essay due today, done.
presentation today, done.
yes yes yes.

next week,
writing assignment due, monday
essay due, friday
presentation, following monday.

not bad.
i think i'm pretty much on track,
doing what i'm supposed to.
but what about electives.
they're gone case.
:/
as much as dont want to S/U,
it seems like i dont have a choice.
but since everyone's treating S/U like nothing,
then steady! i shall follow.
hahaha.
byebye intellectual property.
byebye 4hours of crap every tuesday.
:D

i've good news!
tmr's biz law lecture has been cancelled!
woohoo!
three cheers for mr ram!
its sucha rare treat.
nice.
but i'm staying in school for a while
because some one has a quiz at 6!
poor thing.
jiayou jiayou!

weekend's drawing near and i'm so looking forward to it!
going for two race pack collections,
haha so hardcore right.
i'm feeling quite scared.
lol.

p.s.
imissyoutoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

polar,
sometimes i feel its really weird.
i'm mostly in hall on monday and tuesday,
and it seems quite lifeless.
then wednesday is where activities all start,
and thats when you come,
and i hardly get to spend time with you.
no time to really hear your problems.
and even when we talk,
we've got to resort to facebook?!
oh man.
roomie, i just need to say
i'm really sorry if i've pangsehed you cos of AOB,
and left you in the room when you always wait for me to bathe.
you're loved too.
really!!
your water boiler is loved too :D

well projects and assignments are taking their toll and i
feel the pressure already.
deadlines seem to draw nearer faster than expected.
mixed feelings about a lot of things.
happy and sad and in between.

sam left on tuesday night and sent a quick sms.
there she left, just like that.
coming back in december, i hope?
that girl, i worry for her.
ohwell take care i still love you.

cant believe that the feeling of scepticism came in so fast.
i thought the nice feeling was supposed to last longer?!
but i guess it's been working out well?
yesterday had basketball training and
he came to stone table despite not finishing project to surprise!
:):):)
i love..
apples!
:):):)

the first xphysique meeting almost killed me,
with five deadlines to meet from now till
end of march next year.
i cant believe i actually agreed to that portfolio.
but since i've nodded my head,
i just have to bite the bullet and try my best.
programmers duty,
the two chiefs think "highly" of me,
put me in planning outings.
stress!!
there's still my core modules
and electives.
i am ashamed to say that during this week of holiday,
i only completed ONE assignment.
i am such a bummer!! ):