“'Well,' said Owl, 'the customary procedure in such cases is as follows.'


'What does Crustimoney Proseedcake mean?'
said Pooh. 'For I am a Bear of Very Little Brain, and long words Bother me.'


'It means the Thing to Do.'


'As long as it means that, I don’t mind,' said Pooh humbly.'”


– A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh, 1926

dont you just love winnie the pooh (:

the previous post was a little to angry,
because i could not believe the extent.

but this time,
it's exasperated.
exams are coming.
essays and presentations are still persisting.
):

Prof mentioned how the release of an Israeli prisoner and how he was lauded was overrated,
and yet no mention about Abu Ghraib.

Hmm interesting, i wonder what kind of a place Abu Ghraib is.
Only to know that it would capture me the whole day.

This prison camp situated in Iraq detains Iraqis who are suspected to be dangerous,
and can be detained without proper trial and treated as the US military deemed fit.

Awful awful accounts i tell you.
I feel so indignant for the Iraqi victims.
Are they not humans as well?
Why is every bearded Middle Easterner labeled as dangerous?

Americans just convinced the world that they really are stupid, apathetic and ambivalent
about everything around the world.
Ironic how the world revolves around them.
Their only saving grace are really those few who dare to speak up about the heinous crimes of the Abu Ghraib.

How could they be so cruel to harm innocent civilians and treat them like dogs.
To force upon them acts that are immoral and dirty.
These Iraqis have done nothing wrong.
They just want a peaceful life. Why must the Americans come and wreck their peace.

Soldiers have been so motivated to stay and fight war in the Middle East,
because the ass of a bush tells the people that Iraq is at fault.
But not ALL Iraqis isnt it.
And who are you to say that people are insurgences and detain them,
inflicting upon them those torturous acts which makes YOU yourself no better than an insurgent.
And what happens at the end of the day?
Those people aren't really insurgents.

Recounting interviews from military police within Abu Ghraib who they themselves got traumatized,
people who were tortured were not because they posed as a threat of terrorism or the likes.
They were people who were taxi-drivers and commoners.
At most, they were car thieves, who definitely do not deserve this shit.

These people under siege,
are God-fearing people who have not done anything wrong.
Why do their families need to be broken?
Not just the men detained,
women are also put into prisons.
Why can't they live a life of peace and simplicity?
These people, some hardly even educated,
how could they fathom what a bomb even is?

My heart really goes out to these people,
the forgotten nation,
the abandoned civilization.
And yet there is nothing I can do.
While those people who can do something to change things for the better,
and taking the back seat with nonchalance.
Why must this happen?

News everywhere today speaks sorrow.
Bad news sell. Yes.
But i rather it no news than bad news.
Natural disasters are tragic enough,
why do people want to churn out more tragedy?

Why cant people love,
and not uphold stereotypes of other people?
Why must there be discrimination?
Why does there have to be segregation of white and colour people?
When actually, come to think of it, white people aren't white,
they are pink.
Why are people who are not affected not doing anything?
I ask myself.

But what can I do?
I'm but a nobody.
But so is that American soldier who is pushing his weight around
and exploiting the under-fed and maltreated Iraqis
who have not done anything.
Their only fault was probably the fact that they haven't received proper education
that could possibly help them fend for themselves.
But then again,
why couldn't they receive proper education?
Because of inequality.
Because of manipulation.
Rich get richer,
poor get poorer.
Where's all the oil?
Where's all the gold?
If they are everywhere,
then why is poverty proliferating concurrently?

My heart and head is aching,
feelings of empathy and fear overwhelms me.
I want to help,
but i know i cant, and i don't dare to as well.
Lord, come down and save the poor people.
They will only listen to you.

Is it normal that I'm feeling this way?

i attended the feast day mass today in church.
obligated to at first cos i volunteered to read.
but it really turned out to be a blessing.
the invited priest gave this new idea that i never had
prior to his sermon.

he asked us to,
instead of being envious, jealous, upset, resentful
of what our brothers and sisters have that we dont;
or what they might have done to us,
to treat it all as a blessing.
sounds tough?
not impossible.
how?
he gave a relevant example,
and i shall try to use my own life story to give another example.

i have a very good friend since i was 13.
well we didnt start out as good friends.
loggerheads in fact, half the time.
and it was ironically after we went to separate schools that we got closer.
we are now closer than ever,
and is no surprise when we drop random texts to each other.
yet, there has always been this innate envy i had of her.
her ability to do reasonably well and excel to heights above my own,
made me feel many a times,
inadequate and inferior.
never did told her as i thought it was never important.

but i guess after today's sermon,
i am determined to use that as a blessing instead.
possible definitely.
to have this friend,
as an inspiration,
to ask her when i need help.
and to believe that when i do well,
she will be there to share my joys.

makes me smile a little bit more.

was listening to class95 while driving
and the DJs were sharing the top 3 things that made them smile today.
for me, the above is very well one point.
lets think about another 2.

i went to the supermarket with my sister
and bought many sweets and treats for my brother.
it was his birthday yesterday.
and though it wasnt the easiest to find "non-coloring" and "non-flavouring"
sweets since he was allergic to these additives,
it turned out to be an enjoyable time shopping with my sister
and making small stupid senseless talks,
as always

going to church
before mass started,
i bumped into friends i havent met for a long time
and the feeling was warm and familiar.
even the sarcastic small talks we made
cracked me up.
thats the wonder of these church people.
speaking of which,
as i am typing this
one church friend just came online
and is initiating a conversation now.
shall try to catch up a little

thank God for sending messengers to help me smile (:

brand new day
brand new start
brand new hope
brand new life

so so so many things to say,
but speechless when it actually happened.
looking around mrt train, shopping malls, supermarkets worked,
i finally saw you again.
tiring but worth it,
because you walked my way.
yet, how long more before it can change things to how they were.
would it even be possible?
sickkkk, i hate the feeling of being left hanging.

oh wait. you didnt leave me hanging,
you already left me

elizabeth tan hui fen
please come back soon.
there is a reason why you live in kovan
i miss talking to you
):

dont even know why i'm up all the nights.
hoping for your something that might not even come, anymore.
but i'm still waiting,
that perhaps one day something might happen.

i am really lost now.
everyday is utterly without meaning.
i walk on the streets and wonder if i will see you.
walk in the mall and wonder if i'll bump into you.
take the train and wonder if i will meet you.
wander in the crowds, until i get nauseous because there are so many people,
but the one that i so badly want to see is nowhere in sight.
so near yet so far.
everything i do reminds me of you, somehow.

its tiring, and despairing.
embarrassing sometimes.
to suddenly find myself crying on the train,
get all unbearable and people think i'm crazy.
i am.
does it ever get better?
i cant remember when was the last time i felt this way.
or if ever, i felt this way.

how are you doing, dear?

Dear God.
How long more?

I don't care what she says.
You can be out of sight,
but will never be out of my mind.
Ever.

I was too caught up in proving my self righteousness,
I forgot that I'd left you behind.
I am sorry. I really am. Really really am.