it was totally not up to mark,
or should i say,
worse than mid years.
improvements were for the less important subjects.
where's the passion; drive and interest?
why does it seem to have gone just like that?
urgh.
Assurance from friends seem so heart-rendering.
but deep inside,
only you know best.
you know how much you've put in.
10%; Bell Curve; impossible to retain so many; sub papers.
SO surreal.
I feel this pain all over again,
the last time,
in sec3,
experiencing what seemed to be empty promises.
chronologically backwards,
the last last time,
in sec1.
oh all those tears and partings.
yuck.

clara talked about finding joy
"I found the joy of my life. Have you?"
i was quick to think "of course not, my life's all failing"
then,
i looked at the earlier part of that same post,
"That the way to joy is to see things with a simple heart,
a simple attitude,
with simple eyes.
so everytime I get overwhelmed by reality,
I just need to run back to His house,
where there is just me and God.
it was just a wonderful time today.
I feel really really happy.
And I really enjoyed God's presence today.
I really enjoy spending time with Him like this,
finding moments where it's just me and Him."
and it made me smile,
for a while(:
cos the urge to run back to God all over again,
is so great.

it's been eons since i last blogged, according to christianna.
hahahha.
i've grown so so so much in this period!
hahahhaha.
okok, i'm laughing, cos the mood's light, and i'm just loving it.

friends are something true, and i hold dear.
i agree with matthias for a moment,
that friends will always outweigh relationships.
i really don't know what i would do without the bunch of them!
especially christianna and elizabeth.
two people,
this sudden closeness i feel with them,
though not literally.
makes me feel happy, and blessed.
they're.. never not there?
yea, though occasionally i just cant stand some negative attitudes,
i know all of this comes in a package.

a BIG saga that just passed,
PROMOS.
urghrghrghrgr.
sad sad.
really.
thought i'll do better than midyears since i really studied harder than midyrs.
i don't know.
i've tried my best.
it might just be not enough.

i've heard sooooooooooooooo many friends,
some say they're promoting (thank goodness)
some say they're retaining (nth much for me to say since i might share the same fate as them)

i've thought it through.
retain or promote,
i'm gonna leave it in the hands of the UPPER ONE.
bottom line,
not to give up.
never give up.
never quit.
try and try and try.
you'll succeed soon.

it's true,
just like i thought about it all this while.
wearing the blue uniform came with a hefty price to pay.

my dearest polar.
if you're reading this,
i would like to tell you:
that i cant excess into your bloggggg.
yeap.
pls enable me please.
rowenalee.90@gmail.com
thanks.
see you after the horrific "P"
((:

Friday was.. horrific?
HMM.
yea, that's probably the word to use.
and presumably the WORST bus ride.
on my way to school,
after passing by toa payoh central,
this woman sat diagonally opposite me.
i didnt take much notice of her,
as i was dozing off every now and then.
then something, irksome disrupted me from me sleep.
someone kept going like "urgg urgg urgg"
(the vomit sound)
I turned back.
to my dismay,
that woman was actually digging her throat and regurgitating all she could.
there was nothing brown or disgusting,
only transparent liquid and lots lots of phlegmn (howevevr you spell it)
EWWWWW.
my stomach wrenched.
i pressed the bell.
went down,
with a queasy stomach :S

then at night,
read for latin mass,
celebrated by Fr Tay <---STRESSED
the reading was supposed to be done in english,
with the "thanks be to God" in latin.
so i was supposed to sing "Verbum Domini" in place of "thanks be to God"
and.
thanks to my sore sore sore throat,
i went "ver-bum-do-----MINI",
with the "MINI" sung OFF KEY!
fnojniuvcapbvnevwqmuipeqniuveqpmv
the congregation tried to hold their laughther.
the chior behind had broad smiles across their faces.
i felt... ... ... ...

LOL.
GG.
no more latin mass for me.
tyvvm. =D

I'm not studying yet.
!!!!! !!!!! !!!!!
I want to promote though!
how how how.!??!!??!

The Impossible Quiz

The measure of love, is to love without measure.

How true this is,
but how much are we able to fulfill of it?
Hmm..
Not everyone is a Mother Theresa.
This phrase came from St. Augustine by the way.
I don't think I've been living this phrase, not nowadays from what I know.
ah.
DOn't want to talk about it.

Last week's funfair,
i helped out.
And to my amazement,
I realised that church now has a lot of youth newbies.
Nice people there.
I like.
Hahah.
I feel like a convert all over again.
It seemed like a long long time since i fervently served.
Missed out on the June camp as well,
the pull-factor of the newbies to church.
I guess i'll be going to end of year camp.

At least i know,
church is always there for me,
unlike any other.

Lovely song, from huimin. thankyou((:

Who Am I by Casting Crowns

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

I didnt want to go for the catholic retreat initially. thought it would definitely be damn boring and sian,
and i should be at home studying for the chem test on tues and chem spa on monday.
but i went nevertheless.
thank God,
aaron and aggie were in my group.
and i'm so so so thankful for that.
got to know some new people as well.
well,
didnt get spiritual and all, sadly.

=i hate twofaced people=

during the retreat, michael came and told me he respected SJC girls most out of all the IJs but his favourite was IJTP. hahhaha, whatever that meant.
i definitely beg to differ. =/

=the sight of her, ewww=

this person, nicholas' friend, can do magic card tricks! how cool is that? i can do some too. x) he plays the guitar well and does not show off his skills unlike a certain someone. hurr.

=why am i so tolerant?=

Chinese Wok needs to depends on catering retreat meals services for a living, according to timo. xD

=she says she hates it, but she actually is loving every moment of it, do it to her more ofte then=

some J3 or J4 who came back said that the vegetarian stall in school closed down because they caught fire in their kitchen. wow, is that considered a blessing in disguise?

=i don't know how long more can i endure this nonsense, urgh=

One of the speaker, Auntie Ying, has six kids, out of which, three or four (not so sure) came from CJ, and the canoeing captain is one of them, i hear. hahaha COOL.

=talk to the shoulder, the head cant be bothered to turn and face you=

Jonathan Leong used to smoke, in secondary school, lOL. he didnt say if he still did (but looks like he does), but who knows.

'Tis but thy name that is my enemy;
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name which is no part of thee
Take all myself.

Isn't this such a lovely paragraph,
where Juliet would fight for her love of Romeo.


These are just some random instances that i wish i took literature in school,
and just relish the moments of medieval era.
Imagine:
where people would sit outside their homes,
have a glass of red wine on one hand,
and having a pen on the other,
while enjoying the summer breeze with no worries.
When inspiration struck,
the words would just come automatically,
with the snap of the fingers.
That was probably how Shakespeare did his works!
LAUGH.
I'm dreaming.
If anyone did this in Singapore for a living today,
they would be mocked at, and so badly ridiculed.

Happy Birthday my dear,
i still love you(:

watched the entire coverage of NDP,
as much as i didnt want to.
i miss UG.
like what jess said on wednesday.
this feeling of nostalgia,
overwhelming me all over,
makes me wonder..
whether i should have gone back to serve UG.
makes me wonder...
never got to do hormat and rusok the real way,
a little bit of regret.
but oh well,
we should all move on shouldn't we?

i guess people are moved by various factors after all.
i had hoped that you would be different from the rest.
you gave me this different, unusual feeling.
something i failed to see in the rest.
and i thought,
ah yes.
but but but.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,
maybe not for now.
you changed how i feel.
just recently.
sad is the emotion.
disappointed is the word.
thorough is the degree.
goodbye.

joke, big joke.
my sister's who's only sec1,
just said "now i must work doubly hard".
she's a mugger lah,
true blue mugger.
she's the direct opposite of me i can say.
HEH.
she cried when she got 4th in class and 22nd in the level.
off the record, i got 36th in class,
and 60th in the level.
beat THAT!
lol!
hahahhahahahhaa.
ok ok, i know I'M the joke here.
but ohwell.
haven't i always been?

To nick:
sorry i thought you would be out and didnt want to distract your lovely sunday aftnoon.
i've always been enthu abt 5 on 5. and am super uper happy we're in semis now.
xD
your guess was closest. lol. clapps clapps?
hahahhahah.

i shall start doing GP aq and the essay outlines,
cos i want my class photos.
wednesday is national day celebration and i heard they end at 11!
yay!
class lunch! hopefully.

aggie, i'm missing you a lot. my motivation to work is declining. =/

WORD OF THE DAY: HITHERTO

Definition according to:
`Nicholas-(thinks and thinks and thinks) an event happening prior to
`Calvin-(long pause................) "Ahhh, I don't know ahh.."
`Yixin- (Umchio, laugh softly, LOL) Hit her Toe.!
`Oxford Online Dictionary- adverb until the point in time under discussion.

Joke lah yixin! hahahah, during econs lesson when i sat at laodie's former seat.
wow, i must say it's one of those rare moments that i actually listen and participate in discussions!
maybe sitting in front ain't all that bad!
i don't mind!
hahahha. relieve laodie of some torments in term 2.
it might just benefit me. (who knows)

I didn't study for chemistry test at all.
and i got 11/30, how predictable.
well,
i have been told to "you better start studying" by my chem teacher.
shan't name names. =x

Basketball match with 1t33.
we won 18-14.
it was a close shave i must say.
we were initially lagging behind by 4pts.
thank God we scraped through.
to all players:
please don't doubt yourself.
you'll undermine your own potential.
no one was on the court by accident. (:
we had one common goal,
to play a good game.
"It's not the results that matter, it's the process"
Yes, i remembered that.
So please stop thinking that you played badly or whatsoever.
go go go thirty four!

Thank you Char for accompanying me to the gymnast concert.
and for the exposure of gymnastics,
ball throwing, twirlers, skipping ropes and bowling pins.
x)
For the sacrifice of Prata House,
I'll try my best to make up to you.
lOL.
okay, you're going to find my longwinded.
but i just got to say
(THANK YOU)^infinity to CHAR(:

To this certain someone,
please stop using me okay.
i would really appreciate it if you would just stop all that.
don't think i cant tell your motives.
I can alright.
i may act ignorant, blur, or EMO,
but i know lots of things.
and it would definitely not be music to the ears if i were to say it out.
so please.
practice some discretion with whatever actions you carry out in public.
because it irks me yah.
thankyou.