i dont know if what i'm doing is correct,
but i know its the convenient way for me.
i dont know what my heart says,
i just know in my mind,
that i need to stop hurting you.
how else?
you wont believe me.
i think of you always,
your pig face is still on my mobile.
gosh.
this is not easy.
its my fault from the start.
i thank you for being gracious and loving,
and giving me the second chance which i should have treasured more.
but after monday night, i being a girl
cannot help but have my reservations.
its wrong to feel that way because our relationship means so much more than just that.
but i feel that i have become uncertain.
makes me wonder what will happen in future.

i say it is not true that i am like my "past".
my past haunts me in my mind to this very day.
my past was pure heartless,
doesnt blink even after doing wrong and been exposed.
i tried. i really tried.
i just cant find that flame back.
how can i continue if its just mere human effort i'm putting?
i'm not trying to justify.
i'm not telling you to stop blaming me.
i just hope you see my point of view.
i hate being hated.

i wanna learn to love you again.