work work work

i'm only waiting for two more weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

<3>

work finally started!!!!!

means sitting on chair and facing the comp

and getting fattttttttttt.

Someone believes in you, ME!

miss you already.
this feeling is awful.
things arent going to get better even after
the horrid exams because
then comes the work.
drats.
i shouldnt have picked a fight over such a
trivial matter.
i'm such an evil girl!!!

been wanting to show you this for some time,
so here it is,
for you!

thursday already.
havent done anything.
two readings only and i'm feeling nauseous.
gg.

this is just so weird.
i am able to control using facebook
(surprisingly right, i know)
but i am still unable to concentrate on studying!
embarrassing as it may seem,
i'm quite uncertain about what to study
because the scope is just so huge!
i was thinking.
even if i consistently did my readings since week 1,
i would have forgotten everything by this week!
what a tough course.
man.
haha.

Just checked my midterm results for 2 of my core mods.
the one that i totally didnt even bother lifting a finger to study,
i got a B+, amazing grace from God. thank god!
another one which i did bother lifting a finger,
i got C+.
zuaaa.. (dont ask me what that means)
is this a sign that all hope is not lost?
i remember last sem,
i scored D for one of the core mod and was damn afraid of dabao-ing.
but i got a B in the end. so fortunate.
i pray that things will go as smoothly this sem!
of course i'll need to study hard so that the results can be produced!
heh.

dont even know why i'm blogging when the only person reading this trash
probably already knows everything cos i just told you.
haha, and even if i didnt, is just a matter of time that you'd know.
i just like to type something on the keypad and have it published.
you know that sense of satisfaction to have your opinions heard and sounded out?
when you feel that nobody knows or bothers asking about your life,
typing it down and know that even if some random stranger reads it,
its considered somebody who actually bothers.

yes it is true that what we blog are nothing but memories, good and bad.
Good memories will be etched in my mind for good because simply,
they're good and memorable.
Bad memories should not stay in my mind because they're negative and
are not worth remembering.
but why stop blogging?
what makes you so sure you'll remember every good memory,
and forget the bad ones?
Wouldnt it be so wasted if one of the random acts of kindness that was done to you
once was totally forgotten because you could have blogged (and remembered) about it but you didnt?
and wouldnt it be also a pity if one of the bad memory occurred again in another instance, and turns out to be something you could have avoided had you recalled it in your memory or blog?

i don't know. just some thought that came to me an instant ago.
and yes,
trying to persuade you to blog again.
it could be fun.
hahaha when a day comes where nobody remembers our blog links anymore
except ourselves,
this could be our virtual hideout,
where we could blog and chat about nearly everything and anything
under the sky sun moon.
wouldnt it be nice?
(:

SHENG LE
who would have expected you to be in cahoots with my friends,
sneaking into my hall to plant all those surprises amidst
your busy project and school schedule.
exams are approaching and tensions are rising,
but you were still meticulous as ever in ensuring that my
birthday was not one that was mundanely celebrated.
for the three phases,
i am so delighted to see how each one uncovered itself
as your surprises streamed in throughout the whole of yesterday.
for coordinating with my sjc girls
and painstakingly ensuring that the surprise went smoothly such
that i wouldnt suspect anything.
ending up with such a blast as i was really surprised with the
turnout,
especially the grand finale in your room,
the banner of happy birthday and all the balloons,
and having you (And your roomie) to forgo your sleep,
yet occassionally being left out by me because
i was simply too caught up with catching up with my friends.
but still being there for me,
running up and down to find me a corkscrew so that
the wine can be drank.
i appreciate every small move.

for the xlb dinner, that was simply hilarious cos
i felt so unglam that i was eating like literally a pig in front of
you but was just to happy to bother because canteen B had been
depriving me for so long.
thanks for phase 2, and knowing me so well.
my heart really was lifted and relieved when i saw the invisible pen
instead of some real hardcore stuff.
which i will not forgiven myself if you'd really got me the real thing.
phase 2 brought me so much laughter.
thank you.

and who could forget phase 3,
playing the small amazing race brought back good memories,
though you failed to tell me the char shao bao story again.
but it was really sweet of you to go the extra mile and bothering to
surprise me this way.
being with you,
with all the highs and lows,
you never fail to amaze me.
the gift is lovely,
something i least expect from you.
never thought that what casual comments i said could actually
be so etched in your mind.
shows a lot my dear,
that you actually remembered.
truly truly blessed to have you.
love you long time.

i wanna say sorry for the really sudden moodswings that come,
that you had to sorely endure, though you totally dont deserve it.
i really dont know why i am sometimes like this.
even if i try to change,
it just seems innate in me?
okay they are probably just excuses.
but i hope that you'll understand that what i said and did
at that point of time,
was not intentionally meant to hurt you.
especially not on my birthday.
i hate myself for being so mean to you.
but i dont know how to say i'm sorry,
because this has happened so many times,
and i am afraid you'll probably be sick and tired of the same old
sorrys.
but i feel that if i dont say sorry,
i'll feel even worse inside.
because i dont want you to suffer alone and i want to be with you
for a long time.

for being a part of my life
<3

this birthday has been one hell of a blast.
really thankful that i have such wonderful environment
filled with people that have been God's gifts to me.
and not forgetting the gifts that i received from these people.
though many won't be reading this,
i still wanna say a big shout out.

firstly for family,
for taking time out on saturday and sunday to celebrate
with me and treating me no different from the past though
i must admit i've changed.
for being understanding towards the toll that school has brought me
but allowing me to go back school on sunday night since i've meeting
for HW111 on monday morning
even though you were reluctant.
love my mummy
and my sister too.
thanks for the f21 accessories and darkkkk chocolate!
you're one of those that really understand me!
wahaha

thanks to franksters,
for celebrating with me on my birthday eve.
bearing with me amidst my stressed out HW111 tension.
the cake dinner gift and movie.
though i some times MIA from you guys,
you all never neglected me
but still very warmly treat me
and i am thankful for it.
determined to make su17 a blast,
with you guys haha.

for friends for a thousand years,
thanks huimin laodie rachel aggie
and eliz (in spirit)
for coming all the way to malaysia ntu to come celebrate birthday with
me. the surprise really overwhelmed me and i am extremely
touched by the efforts you guys took in planning and
have everything set up.
this surprise- success!
haha though there were some glitches that i can totally
turn two blind eyes on.
you girls are the best.
being there whenever i need you guys/or not.
Hahaha justkiddingggg!
loveyouguysplentyyyyy!

for all the smses and facebook wishes,
i really appreciate the effort to even bother lifting your fingers
because i have to admit how lazy i can be sometimes to
do that for others :x
oops..
but many thanks for that.
especially to people i least expect.
wow.
i'm happy (:

and for roomie!
coming on the early wednesday morning,
and presented me with
72% Godiva chocolates!
woots woots!
how not to get high siaaaaa.
love you much also la.
despite my sometimes "mistreating" you.
haahaha damn, you're going to make me fattt.
but i like! hahah 72% ftw!

how not to be thankful for all i have,
and how much more can i ask for?

the first time in the longest that i TG that IF !!!
really thank God. the strength that was given to me.
though i got to admit i got rather angsty at many people
and i am sorry about that.
i am rather amazed that i am doing fine.
the only trying issue now is dry run on sunday.
scared or what sia.
i super long havent trained my stamina already.
confirm drag the team down.
a team of three,
and i'm the only girl. GGXX.

church visiting was ironic in the sense
that i was supposed to attain peace through it.
but i was so agitated with many things that i felt
peace, only after the whole thing :o
hmmmm i dont know.
maybe i should not look at people who didnt offered a helping hand,
but rather,
next time,
KNOW that whatever i cannot do,
dont act smart by taking it up,
assuming that somehow it can be worked out.
too ambitious.
for now.
i know i know.
some friends. when help is needed,
where are they?
beezee beezee bees.
like as if they are the only BZ ones.
just want to thank God for the strength given to me.
thanks sl for the patience,
with my everyday-change-and-change-until-i-really-dont-know-what-to-expect-the-next-minute kind of mood.
i hate myself sometimes.
and you are the gracious one,
living and letting live.
thanks man. (Y)
i dont think anyone else would be as patient as me as you are.
haha.
amidst these torrential period,
i did receive some compliments from different people.
people i never expected from.
which made my day occasionally.
bringing smile to the face.
though it is very tiring to smile all the time.

peace peace peace.
TGFSL! <3

i hate him.
i hate them.
stop thinking you are so right,
and that the whole bloody world should revoive around you.
just because you have no life and you
willing slave yourself to this shit,
dont implicate people who do have a life,
and want to live it to the fullest.
and just because you pledged yourself to HELL,
dont assume that others people are willing to do likewise.
you enjoy living this sad sad life,
good for you.
remain that way.
but i'm no you okay.
i want to live a life of wholesomeness.
i have my friends,
my church,
my family.
who are dear to me.
just because you are willing to forgo yours (wow, you actually have them..)
dont assume that other people carry the same mentality as you.
now as i think back,
i cannot believe that i even had the thought that living a life like yours
was good and fun.
ewwww utter turnoff.
you are exaggerated,
insecure,
and unreasonable.
you detest the life out of me totally man.
but i know that because i voluntarily signed up for your fking shit,
i mus keep my word and suck it up.
seeing your face makes me feel like throwing up.
you're worse than the disgusting girl i dislike in lecture.
than the weirdo i see on the streets.
than the whole world of odd creatures.
i still do work as told not because i respect you.
it is because i respect the authority that have been considerate and reasonable.
you have them to thank man.

and your stupid assistant the shit face.
whole day only know how to talk and yak and yak.
nothing more than an empty vessel.
my friend was right in the insult man.
you are only a clashing cymbal,
that makes nothing but noise that pollute my ears and
waste precious human time.
who knows not how to make yourself useful when you see us in trouble
and in need of help.
for all i know, you could be telling on us to him behind our backs.
but wtf
i dont care.
because i know that i have done and contributed more than you in this.
i can at least say i made the effort and have come thus far.
you?
whole day only know how to eat and eat and eat during meetings.
the only way you lose your calories is by lifting your fingers
to make phone calls to me,
chasing me for something that wouldnt have needed chasing,
should you have offered a helping hand earlier.
but whatever,
not like i am dying for your help.
good riddance to bad rubbish in fact.
maybe if you were to help,
you'd just drag the whole damn process down
and in the blink of an eye,
the whole thing is over.

screw you both man.
eww no, no screw.
shit you both deep deep.

scared scared scared.

monday- programmer meeting till 1am plus
tuesday- xphy event briefing till 1am plus too
wednesday- xphy dry run briefing till 1am plus.
thursday- maundy thurs visiting till 12am plus
friday- good friday passion play
saturday- easter vigil mass till 12am
sunday- xphy dryrun whole day

God grant me strength!!!
anberlin is my friend.

talk about retro (:



i'm the one who wants to be with you