Today's been a thought and emotion provoking day.
Highlight of these weeks is needless to say, the elections.
And that was exactly what I faced with the moment I exited lorong chuan mrt to go tuition.
Super funny how pap tried to advise ppl to "exercise your vote wisely" through a PA system by lorry,
But there wasn't any MP on the lorry? Strange but true.
Why is it that, the last I rmb was, MPs would be on the lorry waving to ppl on the road?
Oh. I know.. The MPs in white don't do lorries anymore, they do it in luxurious automobiles with a sun roof.
Haha. My grandfather told me one MP tried to get up from the sunroof to greet the people but got stuck half way cos her stomach was too big.
Geez :/
However my point really isn't to mock the white contenders.
But I can't help but think, why they so bo xim to use PA system only?
Maybe it's cos this is GCT's territory, so they're quite confident in winning against fresh out of the over nicole and gang?
Hmmmm.. Not sure uh.
I don't know what to sAyyyy *stamps feet like a clown*

Went novena after tuition, and it was humid hot, which makes it really baddd.
What made my walk to church even worse was when I saw
An old lady on wheelchair taking a lunchbreak from selling tissue,
And she was so frail and hands so weak, she had to use her wrists to clasp unto a styrofoam cup to drink.
That point of time, I grapsed the true essence of "moved to tears".
She's really determined to live amidst these trials,
And the little meagre help she was receiving.
I was furious by the time I entered church.
What is the govt doing!?
How on earth is this welfare benefits to the pioneers of our country?
They really are doing themselves a disfavour by having so many of such elderly wandering on the streets.

Political awakening of some sort I reckon?
Of course I'm not as upz as nicole seah.
But I was very agitated when I was in novena square after service.
Old people at the entrance distributing flyers;
Serving not even as cashiers or waiters,
but those to clear waste after ppl have eaten;
Toilet janitors;
And more.
Note that I say "old ppl" and not "elderly".
I've always felt that elderly refers to 50plus early 60s,
and old people are those seriously aged in their late 70s to 80s.
What, is the govt doind, really?

Reading my two friends' blogs this night has enlightened me,
and inspired me to post a happy post,
for once uh huh.

exams are creeping up so soon, but i'm so passive and unprepared!
no drive no drive.
there's this inner struggle within me,
the impulse to spend a lot, on myself.
the thought of wanting to pamper myself all over again.
i want Macbook,
i want holiday to bkk,
i want shopping,
i want moolah.
can think, cannnot have. urggg.
that's always the case right.
where enough is never enough.
we always want the sky, but dont dare to admit it.

lastly and most importantly,
i want to keep eating and never grow fat.
the mouth cant seem to stop ingesting food,
even though i'm super full,
or even when the food isnt even nice :/
let's just hope its an "exam" thing (though i highly doubt)

How have you been?
Today, something very ridiculously funny, but exciting happened to me.
You were the first person I thought of,
and the only person I wanted to tell.
But it didn't really seem possible.
You know,
there will always be some things,
that you are exclusive to.
And no one else, really..

I asked myself: what is the reason for people getting into relationships?
Because a relationships can create so much problems and animosities between two people
who are supposedly to be on good terms all year round, or so it suggests.
Then i realize that the things that drives couples to persevere for however long they last are essentially,
love and happiness.
They are mutually exclusive in fact.
Yet you cant do without either one in a relationship.
At least that is for my case.
What is the point of trying so hard to love when it seems like happiness seems so unreachable?
All i ever wanted, was to be happy, in love.
but the scale was tipped, and now:
can only be in love, but not happy.
This equation is thus flawed, and makes it difficult for the both to carry on.
We have so much love for each other,
so many good memories that we hold so dearly to.
Even if we want to erase them out, it is impossible
because of (practically all) the places where we've left our footprints,
we revisit them constantly.
Dont have to look too far, for school is one place.
So because i love you so much,
all i really want is for you to be happy.
but you are not happy with me.
so it means that i cannot bring you the happiness you deserve
and hence you, really should free yourself from this torment.
i love you and want the best for you.
but since i cant be the best you can get, how can i allow you to settle for something less?
I cant fully move on because everyday i think and think and think,
what if what if what if.
but i know that for each day that i can imagine myself standing infront of you not knowing the right words to say,
i will not talk to you and make a fool of the two of us.
for each day that passes, the skies are turning grayer,
for each night that passes, the winds are getting stronger.
its not the body that is getting cold,
but the heart.

I love you enough to give you up so that you can be happy again.

all was fine just one week back.
i am so fked up.

Does this how freedom smells like?
Its not as fragrant as I thought.
There is something missing,
Like a somewhat familiar scent that
Has completely vanished.
I hate to admint, but
Its like somethting I need to have
In my life.

Else it just seems so wrongly empty..

am i doing it right,
am i doing it wrong.
i have no idea.
this is something i've never done before
and never dared to.
but i'm just tired.
so tired for now.
need to get my energy back.

you are tired as well.
how i've made you suffer with me
though you dont deserve.
miss you miss you so.

please eat your meals properly.
that is so important,
pains me to know if you get gastric.

I keep dialling, it never got through. But I still keep dialling.
What a fool, what a joke..
How to stop thinking? Can't stop. Can't stop.

Le le. I was walking home from the mrt and was under your house.
Like so tempted to shout from the bus stop.
But of course I didn't. Don't wanna over do it.
Feel like crap all day today.
The ultimatum climaxed when jac dropped the polaroid cam,
My heart sank. I was so scared.
What if something bad happened to one of the last gift from you to me?
My heart.. So heavy..
So tired, so dreary.
So in need of you.

Because i wanna be with you in the future, forever..
Even if I am dying to see you now, I will control myself.
This feeling is awful. But at least, I know it will be worth it

Did I hear you right
cause I thought you said
Let's think it over
You have been my life
And I never planned
Growing old without you

Shadows bleeding through the light
Where the love once shined so bright
Came without a reason
Don't let go on us tonight
Love's not always black and white
Haven't I always loved you?

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause your only almost here

I would change the world
If I had a chance
Oh won't you let me
Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Oh please protect me

Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause your only almost here

Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you
You're almost here
Well I never knew how far behind I'd left you
And when I hold you your almost here
Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted
And now I'm with you I'm close to tears
'cause I know I'm almost here
Only almost here

I really really still love you a lot a lot.
What is my world now?
I am not strong, really.