it really sucks living behind her shadows.
it's all about her.
what about me?
what am i to anyone?
nothing i guess.
just nothing.
i don't give a fuck.

today was quite okay,
cos of good A level results,
school ended at 12.
stayed in school after that to take class photo
and had lunch with some classmates.
then watched captain's ball matches.

told charmaine everything today
and i really feel better.
it's like a whole rock lifted off my shoulder.
i heave a sigh of relief-
but my problem is not solved yet.
but at least i know char will be there when i need her.
hopefully.
my friend.

after which went to shaw lido to meet baby.
watched pursuit of happiness.
quite a meaningful and emotional show.
it is nice.
then we walked to heeren,
to check out lanyards and pencil case.
but to no avail.
i saw a simple black adidas lanyard.
nice,
but don't have that small string thing to hook thru the phone.
so didn't buy.
i want shawn's lanyard!
i like that colour!
but dun wanna copy him leh.
i shall wait and see.
for nicer ones.

tomorrow going out with athena!
yay!
can't wait!
i don't know why.
maybe i long to see a familiar face,
whom i can crap with,
and jus reminisce old times with.
haha
so emo.
but thats just rowena! (:

i'm
- failing my tests.
- emo-ing.
- showing attitude.
- eating .
- going out.
- not wanting to go home.
- spending.

too much everyday!

my life is screwed up la.
i'm self-inflicting all these sadness
why why why!?


yesterday night,
i dreamt of my class.
as in 1T13.
and how i wish things could go back to square ONE.
when we first started out.
things were going so fine, so smoothly,
until all the true colours started to surface.
all the ugly selfish sides.
i dreamt that our class was smiling, laughing happily.
everyone was innocent and just enjoying the time we were with each other.
that night was probably finale night,
day six of orientation one.
and we were on a bus.
it was so fun,
although we did not know each other well,
it was a light-hearted moment.
and everyone was there, enjoying each other's presence.
he was there too.
sitting in front of me.
he was laughing, his usual self.

why cant things remain the same?
why must there be changes?
changes that pain me?
tell me tell me!
i don't want these changes.
i miss those days.
macdonalds was simple,
but the times spent were priceless.
totally enjoyable.
i want them back,
badly.
can you bring them back to me?

gonna have family dinner later!

today went to the track to run,
saw many people.
ester and her friends.
and kendra and claudine!
kendra was as slack as ever!
walked six rounds.
haha.
ester they all were practicing for track meet on friday.
i don't miss sjc.
seriously.
i don't know why.
i think i'm abnormal.
oh my..

tuesday is posting day.
i'm for CJ.
yes!
to those people whom i lied to,
whom i told that i would be going SA,
i'm sorry.
please accept my apologies.
really am sincere.
i'm staying in CJ.
be happy!

yay!
first and foremost!
i wanna say that i passed my maths test!
i'm so happy!
at least i'm not last in class.
hehh

today school ended at 12.
went out with charmaine and ezra.
felt like a freaking light bulb,
aww man,
rowena you suck.
hahaha.
went to watch a movie with char, dreamgirls.
quite emo!
hahaha,
then went to see char's friends at haagen daaz (however you spell it)
but they had no rum raisin!!
oh no!

after that went back to kovan.
talked to sam for a while at the bus stop.
catch up after i was "deprived" of her for two weeks.
HAHA
was a good chat.
yea.
i heard odac gonna climb three hills tmr,
all the BUKITs.
hahaha.
all the best sam and aggie!
:D

it just struck me that.
even though i'm in college and making new friends,
i realise that i simply cannot live without my old friends.
they sustain me!!
and just seeing them light up my life.

today i saw samantha lee after TWO weeks! and i pounced on her!
haha, no la.
but it felt so good to see her again!!!
i miss her!

and elizabeth,
she's so cheerful and smiley all the time!
talking to me on msn might sound mediocre,
but that's wad she does all the time,
and it's these little things done that make me realise the importance of my friend elizabeth tan!
i cant live without her!
:D


my strength is wearing out.
i cant smile anymore.
it's getting tiring.
i know this is human effort.
GOD help me please.
you place this obstacle in front of me,
and therefore you must have a way for me to brave through it.
please give me strength and wisdom to endure this tormenting time.
everyday this thing never fails to haunt me.
and it's haunting me because i allowed it to.
and this is bad.
i must learn to let go!
ah!

today.
just another DAY,
went for lectors meeting. wow.
was quite sleepy.
then went for p.a.w
got lots of food!!!
and i totally drowned myself in the chocolate fondue.
shit la.
weight gain!!!
tomorrow is school!
maths test!
followed by queensway to get the gift with char!
yay!

love this new skin,
plain, but exudes so much exuberance!
i'm loving it.

today was productive i guess,
revised maths in preparation for maths CA.
pray for me please.
i wanna do well.
haha.

i msg eliz asking her what she was doing today,
but she did not reply me.
oh well.

monday is school again
and i don't know how to face .....
but who cares.

yesterday went to school,
it was a short day,
ended at one.
after which went to far east to get shawn's little gift with chan chan and sam.
ooh, it was lovely, but too expensive.
oh man, i'm so sorry charmaine!!
anyway,
went subway to eat,
and tore my pocket.
but i got another snapple cap!
yay!
then went back to school to study maths,
but the library was too far too good to sleep,
the aircon was damn shiok and irresistible.
so me and polar decided to go town to look for sab who was working at follie follie in isetan.
haha i've never heard of that before, but ya..
and after visiting her,
we walked to orchard station,
and it rained! and we walked in puddles!
my shoe was totally wet!
ahh!!
at green bean,
uncle gave us ang pow!!
haha.
den we talked and talked.
and uncle was rathher queer,
especially the way he spoke to me.
he thinks that i might walk the wrong path in jc.
haha, and i told him to rest assure i won't.
:D
well.
i'm not really bothered.
and there's a chalet and barbecue on 16-18!!!
haha i kinda look forward catching up with everyone.!
now i've gotta study for maths,
cos there's a maths CA on monday,
and i cant afford to get last in class..again!
ahh!!

just as things have been improving for me,
things are just going downhill for a friend of mine.
this friend, has family problems, thinks that life is meaningless, and even contemplated death.
it's such a pity.
i feel that there has got to be more to life than just those problems and sorrows we face all the time.
where are the smiles? where are the laughters?
i want them. badly.
and now.
i'm laughing and smiling my most in class, everyone noticed!
which is good.
i don't want to be a spoilsport.
i want to be the positive cell of my class, and also for people around me.
:D

today is day three.
the day seemed boring,
and whenever i thought about that thing,
my mind would go round in circles,
my heart aches badly,
but i tell myself to stop thinking.

at night went to play pool with my cousin and chanchan.
the two pros played.
haha, i think my cousin is better than chanchan,
but jia you, as practice makes perfect chanchan!
haha,
shall have more pool sessions with you so that i can also improve.
haha. i was a total joke at pool table la!

anyhow.
ang pow collection was bad,
plain bad.
but i don't care.
i'm gonna ask mother to give me more!
hhahah.

econs project is due on 21st feb, this wed.
appparently half my grp cant make it,
and no one seems to give a damn.
most probably i'll crash feng's house tmr and see how char do their project and get some pointers. lol.
tmr is chu san.
which will probably be a boring one unless i plan it well.
and hopefully everything will turn out smoothly.

i wanted to take the initiative,
but was one step faster.
i'm glad.
but i think things are still monotonous,
which is real sad.





right from the start,
my love made me blind,
but i miss you finally.

this is apparently the first day of chinese new year,
but i don't feel like it's a brand new start.
i feel that everything for the past few days have been going downhill for me,
and things are working to my disadvantage.

i'm so distracted by that thing.
everytime i tell myself not to think about it,
it comes back to haunt me,
and it's so sad just thinking about it.
somebody help me!
i feel lilke a pathetic soul wandering aimlessly on earth.







but only love can say,
try again or walk away.
but i believe for you and me,
the sun will shine one day.
so i just play my part,
and pray you'll have a change of heart.
but i can't make you see it through,
that something only love can do.

one month exactly has passed since i entered cjc!
so many things happened!
and i' m so thankful for all the good things that happened!
made wonderful friends.
love my wonderful class.
the wonderful people (?)
haha.
and not forgetting..
haha.
yeah..

i'm so happy with my results too!
and i dare not ask for more.
the results are simply too good for me.
and staying in CJ i am!
that's the promise i made.
and i will keep it.

but not everything ended on a happy note.
eunice left on 5thfeb to melbourne.
was quite a happy farewell though.
cos there were many people there
and everyone was in a high mood.
so it was all smiles.
at least tang knows that she'll always be in our hearts!
haha
so EMO.

yeah.
my latest.. trend?
yea.
emo..
x)